everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
