You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
