my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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