I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
