my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
