i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
