:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
