Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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