well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
