I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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