I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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