you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
