Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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