Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
