He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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