8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to make out with him forever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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