You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
