Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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