Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
