since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
