I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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