how can u be prego again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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