god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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