Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
