I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
