He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
