Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
