I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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