dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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