You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
