then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
