I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
