Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
