It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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