I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
