You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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