Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
