Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
