Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
