I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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