Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
