You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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