She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
