Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
