He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
