sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
