He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
