she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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