do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
