What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
