I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
